Here is some feedback on the draft from another friend, who is an Art teacher:

Mark Brennan wrote:

> I read Edward's comments before reading the article, which probably colored my reading of it.

> I guess I would simply extend his suggestions by saying: I think the first paragraph and the last two could be eliminated almost entirely. This could shorten the piece without amputating essential information. Just one short sentence for your introduction, then another one for your closing.
I think paragraphs 5-7 are excellent, the real heart of the article. They have a good flow and are easy to follow. Then paragraphs 8 and 9 would be the basis for a followup piece, if you decided to break this article into two separate, shorter ones.

> The whole project sounds fascinating. As you go forward explaining it all to the layman, you'll need to constantly keep in mind the difference between the methods of the researchers and their findings. I think the leaf analogy is an excellent model, making your information easily accessible.